Whether it be with their physical or mental health – or often a combination of the two – there are more pressures than ever in being a bloke. Family, work and personal commitments often combine to make life tough and quite often, men find it hard to express that they’re feeling like things are difficult.
‘Honestly, Man’, an upcoming book by author and podcaster Andrew Pain attempts to answer three key questions:-
1) Are men struggling?
2) Why are men struggling?
3) How do we help?
The book is available for pre-order now and will be released in paperback and Kindle versions on August 6th (and an audio version will follow in the Autumn!).
We caught up with Andrew to find out more.
What was it that brought you to write the book in the first place?
Initially, it was through my podcast Men on Show, where I interview men doing amazing things (whether that’s in the community or research) and I wanted put a spotlight on them and not simply leave the insights they’d shared in a podcast episode (which can get easily forgotten).
I also wanted to write up my successful men’s mental health keynote talk, delivered to organisations like National Highways, Specsavers and EDF, and make it accessible to everyone, so I brought both things together into one book.
The long term pledge to donate all profits made for book sales to men and boys charities is partly inspired by the men on my podcast, who gave up their time for free – so I see the book as a team effort – it didn’t feel right therefore to keep the money for myself – whether that’s £20, £200, £2,000 or £20,000.
You’ve spoken to a wide range of people to help collate the book – what were the recurring themes?
The reasons why men struggle are complex and related to biology, society and history. Men are not toxic – masculinity is not toxic. So, in order to create a better world for our brothers, mates, sons, dads, colleagues, we need to understand what’s happened, consider the complex reasons why men are struggling and then move forward, something which indirectly creates a better world for women and girls too.
There is a way forward – but it requires multiple points of action – there is no ONE magic solution.
How can society change to help reduce the growing pressures that face men today?
We can celebrate men more – it’s OK to do that. I’m all about girl power and This Girl Can – but for our men, we also need to raise up and celebrate the examples of awesome men too.
We can be more compassionate towards men, understanding that for complex reasons, as people we tend to be less compassionate towards men’s struggles than women and girls, something I explore in my book and which is supported by research.
We can as men reflect on our own man code and what kind of men we want to be. I’ve altered mine over the years – it’s helpful to check in with your man-code from time to time.
Politically, whoever is in power, government can do more to send a signal to society that men and boys are not disposable. For example, there is no strategy to tackle violence against men and boys.
The Men and Boys data is simply swept into the Women & Girls strategy. The media will then report that violence against women and girls is an epidemic, but they don’t report that these figures include male victims too. So, as a former victim of domestic abuse whose perpetrator was female, in the eyes of the law, I was a victim of violence against women and girls!
Creating a separate Men’s Health strategy, which focusses on men and boys, is not only common sense, it helps create a clearer picture of violence against people and sends a clear signal, that in their own right, the plight of men and boys is important.
How important are organisations like MAN v FAT and others like us in giving men a safe space to escape some of these pressures, if only for a short period of time?
The role of men’s communities in shaping better outcomes for men, and the people who love them, has it’s own chapter and Man V Fat is mentioned. Man v Fat combines the best of humour, sport and connection.
In an increasingly digital world, where social habits have changed, where due to austerity we’ve lost community spaces, 16k pubs and half of our nightclubs there is less reason to leave the house – so we have to create communities/reasons to connect with real people – it’s important for our mental health and our physical health.
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